Here are some obvious and not so obvious ways to ruin your WordPress website. Some of these will also destroy the relationships with your family and friends. In fact, I guarantee that if you follow these 150 simple steps, you will have a horrible WordPress website and very few friends.
Earlier this week I published a list of the best 101 WordPress plugins. Going a long with that huge list, I decided to come out with something similar…but from a different angle.
There are serious elements mixed in with some humor. 🙂 Please note that I am not endorsing any of the illegal activities described in this post.
Let me know if I missed any WordPress ruining tips!
#1. Post every few months.
#2. Don’t check spelling or grammar on your posts.
#3. Post nude photos of your wife on the front page.
#4. Constantly change your permalink structure without creating 301 redirects. Google will love you for this.
#5. Post the same killer article every week with a different title.
#6. Copy content from another blog.
#7. Claim you have a PhD.
#8. Never flush your toilet.
#9. Use pink everywhere…especially as the main font color.
#10. Put a bunch of keywords at the bottom of your page, making the font color match the background.
#11. Lie about your age.
#12. Post about Brittany Spears every other day.
#13. Use the same post titles as your competitors.
#14. Copy someone’s post and claim that they stole your content in the comments of their article.
#15. Go to Yahoo Answers, create a question and then answer that question with a different account. Do this and repeat. Make sure you link to an article on your site in every answer.
#16. Spam Forums as much as possible
#17. Use slang words in your posts.
#18. Make sure your best posts are hidden from visitors.
#19. Make it difficult for users to find your home page.
#20. Add music that auto plays on your website. Do not provide a way to turn it off.
#21. Constantly submit your own articles to Digg and Reddit.
#22. Create 25 different twitter accounts and constantly retweet your posts.
#23. Claim you are the son/daughter of Brad Pitt.
#24. Make fun of anyone who comments on your posts.
#25. Stuff your site with ads.
#26. Make sure your contact and comment form are broken. If someone points this out to you, tell them it is because you get so much traffic.
#27. Only promote your website through prayer.
#28. Send an email to your friends with a link to your home page once per day.
#29. Make sure you spend a maximum of 10 minutes on each post.
#30. Put a massive amount of links in each post without explaining what they are for.
#31. Make sure each of your posts is in a different language.
#32. Tell everyone you have aids, but then say you are just kidding.
#33. Use a bright background color.
#34. Resize your images by changing the width and the height attributes.
#35. Make sure to use frames.
#36. Post stupid comments on other blogs because you know this will attract the most attention.
#37. Claim your blog is a joint effort of all the authors of your competitors.
#38. Make sure you require users to register to view your website…before you tell them what your website is about.
#39. Make fun of your family members on your website twice a week… preferably posts with photos.
#40. Include the F bomb with everyone you interact with on Twitter.
#41. Don’t respond to comments.
#42. Always post your titles in all caps.
#43. Whine about the government in every post.
#44. Use the default WordPress theme.
#45. Eat yellow snow.
#46. Put up an article about the top 100 ways to cheat Google.
#47. Make your about page a PDF file that you link to directly.
#48. Avoid using punctuation at all costs.
#49. Misspell post titles.
#50. Thinking that increased load time adds anticipation, make sure all images and photos are not optimized.
#51. On every page of your site, put a line asking people to click on your google ads.
#52. Use a domain name that doesn’t contain any words.
#53. Don’t let anyone under 18 view your website, even if it is not an adult website.
#54. Display a different main navigation menu on every page load.
#55. Click your own Google ads at least 10 times per day.
#56. Put the most popular search engine keywords on the web in the meta keywords field on every page of your site. Make sure to use at least 100 keywords.
#57. Claim your site is only meant to be viewed by men.
#58. Create a post about the top ten ways to be a terrorist.
#59. Make at least one racist comment per post.
#60. Make sure all text is tilted.
#61. Create a contest that offers $500 to the winner. But don’t pay up when the contest is over.
#62. Make sure to talk while you are eating when recording videos.
#63. Whine about your family in at least one post per week.
#64. Post your articles in English, but record and post videos in a different language.
#65. Go with the cheapest web host you can find, such as Blue Host. Specifically because they give you unlimited resources and your site will grow.
#66. Post as many one liner comments on as many blogs as possible.
#67. Write posts when you drunk.
#68. Lie to your customers about the price of your product.
#69. Advertise an ad that says “Buy one get five free!”, but after they place the order let them know that promotion ended last year.
#70. Create pages specifically for top keywords that have nothing to do with your website.
#71. Make fun of handicap people in a post once per week.
#72. Always make promises you cannot keep.
#73. Focus 100% on SEO, but don’t worry about how your visitors feel about your site.
#74. Submit your site to directories in the most high traffic categories, regardless of whether they match your content.
#75. Come out with a “your mom joke” once per week.
#76. If you didn’t graduate from college, make this the first thing your visitors know about your site.
#77. Sell marijuana by the pound on your products page.
#78. Create a how to guide to being a prostitute.
#79. Post a link to a downloadable virus once per week.
#80. Sign-up your wife on dating sites.
#81. Write one post per week that features the word “retard”.
#82. Comment on your own articles using different names and email addresses.
#83. Install a spam bot on your server that posts spam comments on other blogs.
#84. Fill out as many contact forms as possible and only include a url to your site in the message/description.
#85. Offer to watch kids for a day, but then lock them up into a room. Just make sure to remember to feed them lunch.
#86. Ask for your friends ftp accounts for their websites, and then create a 301 redirect for all of them that goes to your site.
#87. Do not respond to emails any sooner than 2 weeks before you have received them.
#88. Never answer your cell phone.
#89. Do not pickup or do the dishes for 6 months straight.
#90. Email a virus to your friends as a practical joke.
#91. Make sure you charge 3x the amount for shipping as it actually costs.
#92. Post your admin password.
#93. Don’t update your plugins or WordPress installation….ever.
#94. Use your competitors logo for your website.
#95. Don’t include a site search.
#96. Never include photos in your posts.
#97. Urinate under your bed at least once per day.
#98. Use a crappy logo.
#99. Set all of your clocks to 3 hours behind.
#100. Require payment up front for any services you advertise, but don’t complete the service.
#101. Never do anything physical.
#102. Require all of your friends to post a comment once per week or you will never talk to them again.
#103. Never post on a topic that you have written about before.
#104. Block the google bot from accessing your website.
#105. Password protect your whole website, but don’t give anyone the password.
#106. Advertise sexual services on your blog.
#107. Make your main body text font size 10px.
#108. Make fun of a celebrity once per week.
#109. Put up a video of you barfing on your website.
#110. Put up all of your friends email addresses on your website.
#111. Make fun of your friends that are overweight.
#112. Make some of your text look like links, but they are not click able.
#113. Duplicate your killer articles at least 10 times on your site.
#114. Don’t do any research on SEO.
#115. Forget to renew your domain registration.
#116. If you are 13 years old or under, make sure you specify this in each of your posts.
#117. Claim that dropping out of high school is what everyone should do.
#118. Use post titles that do not relate at all with your content.
#119. Post your sister’s diary on your website. Make it a featured post.
#120. Only keep friends that are within 10 lbs of your weight. If they are more than that, tell them they need to gain/lose weight to be your friend.
#121. In your welcome message, say something like: “This website is only meant for Caucasian visitors who weigh less than 200 lbs.”.
#122. Randomly post a photo of a banana every day.
#123. Learn to type only with your feet.
#124. Post a Richard Simmons video once every two weeks.
#125. Never use the word “and” or “is”.
#126. Take photos off of the internet randomly, not caring if you have permission to use them or not.
#127. Forget about your wife on Valentine’s day.
#128. Create a post about each of your competitors and list out what you do not like about each website.
#129. Only test your browser in Chrome.
#130. Make your website 100% flash.
#131. Require everyone who visits your website to first download a pirated eBook.
#132. Claim you are a best-selling author.
#133. Forget to come into work for five days in a row.
#134. Only eat spam for a whole week.
#135. Take a shower once per 6 months.
#136. Put your parents phone number as the contact number on your website.
#137. Take a dump in the sink and tell your wife to clean it up.
#138. Pretend you are carrying a grenade on an airplane.
#139. Lock yourself into an airplane bathroom for the entire flight.
#140. Don’t check your site after upgrading your plugins.
#141. Redirect 404 pages to your competitors home page.
#142. Steal your neighbors pets.
#143. Poop in your neighbor’s lawn.
#144. Talk bad about your boss on your blog.
#145. Don’t create titles for your posts.
#146. Claim you have the #1 position for a popular search engine keyword.
#147. Post comments on other blogs, letting them know that your site is better than theirs.
#148. Forget to pay your hosting bill.
#149. Before you write any content, make sure you get at least 10,000 visitors to your domain.
#150. Exchange links with other websites, but take off their link after a few days.